Going off this, one of the most important things I learned in DBT therapy is walking the line between self forgiveness and avoidance.
I’ve talked before about how the majority of the posts on self care I see are really skewed towards self forgiveness. “It’s okay if you couldn’t do X today,” - which is true and valid, and these posts aren’t “bad” and can be helpful considering the constant invalidation most of us struggling face from neurotypicals and capitalist society.
However when “not doing X” goes from once in awhile, to more often than not, that’s when it slides into avoidance - and avoidance can absolutely be a self harming behaviour.
We need to remember that self care and recovery is complex, like most things in life, it’s about balancing and moderation. Yes, it’s okay if you couldn’t find the energy to shower or brush your teeth today, yes it’s okay if you couldn’t get past your phone anxiety to make that Dr.s appointment - but instead of stopping there, ask yourself: Is there anything you can do? If you can’t shower, can you wipe yourself down with a wet cloth? If you can’t brush your teeth, can you gargle and rinse your mouth with salt water? If you can’t make a phone call, can you email your Dr.s office instead to make an appointment?
We have to make more posts reminding us that often, self care is actually doing the thing - or at least finding a way to do an approximation of the thing.
